I walk a tightrope over a chasm of viscus depression and one misstep with my thoughts, my behavior, my medication, illness or anything else can cause me to tumble into that depression.

This is my life.

The tightrope stretches from before I was born (because I believe life begins before birth) to sometime in the future when I will die. It represents my life.

Depression is below me in all eternity. It is bottomless and endless below me. It is always there. If I can't maintain the balance I fall.

I struggle to keep all the big and little bits of my life in balance so I don't fall. I always know in the back of my mind I can fall any minute. If I fall I will be pulled under the thick black sticky mess. I will slowly (or quickly) drown in depression. And balance is almost always dependent on something out of my control.

I walk with a balancing stick that is like the bar on a set of scales. If one thing on either end of the balance changes I risk falling. The balance holds my medications, my body's reaction to medications, illnesses, thoughts, fatigue, weather changes, and anything else that might effect me in any way.