This is a Christian Kane type morning.

I hope I am pulling out of the flares I have been in for weeks.

My loose hair touching my skin was torture. Static Mechanical Allodynia

I was so tired my eye lashes hurt! Fibromyalgia

My hand felt like over stuffed sausages. also Fibromyalgia

The antibiotics made me tired and my mouth tasted like old nasty coffee (I hate coffee anyway).

The last joints of my middle fingers still hurt like they are out of place or something. And they are drawing up. This has been going on for weeks. I hope my general doctor gets me an appointment with a neurologist soon to get tested for MS.

I am still waiting on word from the biopsy done a few weeks back. It could be cancer or diabetes causing my symptoms. It's just more waiting. I guess slow news is good news? lol

Contrary to what the nurse said, the Doctor told me there was no medicine to help with nightmares. He did give me something to help me sleep, but I had problems. 

1) it didn't get me to sleep
2) it kept me in the nightmare which was a nightmare!
3) it kept me asleep in the mornings (hard to wake up) Mom said I was like an ole cat with her tail stuck in the door. Yeah, I didn't want to wake up at all. 

I am taking extra probiotics so the bad old coffee taste in my mouth is less, and more magnesium to help with IBS but  yea for antibiotics. =P

I found an article that I want everyone to read. Please. 

This is my second husband.

It is as if someone were videotaping our lives

and quoting him as an example

at every point!

I hate that I gave him the power to destroy me, my children, my extended family, my life and my reputation. 

Quite frankly I almost physically died because of his destructive ways.

I only wish I had seen it sooner!

I still pray people will see the truth. (But I'm not holding my breath.)



20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You

http://tcat.tc/297GhKs

Went to 2 doctors yesterday.

The psychiatrist gave me something to help me sleep (hopefully without nightmares).

The general doc gave me antibiotics. Costly antibiotics that God gave us the money for. (It wasn't there before we prayed, but was there after.)

Now I have a gross (metallic) taste in my mouth, forehead feels hot and I feel sleepy/tired. Yeah for antibiotics. =P He gave me 10 days supply. I hope I survive. LOL

The veggies in the garden are staring to ripen. Tomatoes, corn, beans, peppers. Lots of peppers! =)

I am having muscle weakness and burning hands/feet. I am gonna be tested for MS as soon as the gen doc office makes the appointment. 

Also the last knuckles on my fingers hurt, like something pulled wrong or something. Yeah RA. =P

Side note: My little cousin has MG/LEMS https://www.mda.org/disease/lambert-eaton-myasthenic-syndrome 

Here I go again.

Infection.

I keep an infection because I have Fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia is known for all over pain, but really it's under the medical umbrella "autoimmune disease".

Fibro means I catch everything.

Everything!

And nothing ever goes away.

After the last round of antibiotics the doctor said I can't just keep taking antibiotics.

It was just my second round in the past few months, which is good for me.

But the antibiotics just tamp down the infection and I feel pretty good (not totally well, but pretty good) for a few days then it starts back.

My mouth burns like I had scalding soup,
my ear hurts,
my sinuses feel full,
my body has sores just show up (usually on my legs)
tiny blisters on my body and arms,
my kidneys hurt,
I have a UTI,
and
I feel tired and tingly.

I wish I could get enough antibiotics to end the infection completely.

Why not do that so it wont just grow back?

Wouldn't a total eradication make it harder to get sick again?!

I get that they don't want me to become immune to the antibiotics, but I say get rid of the infection entirely and I wont need more antibiotics.

Right?

Why can't I just be well?!

I wake up with two feelings every morning: Pain and disappointment.

Pain from my fibro & degenerative disc disease and so on and also disappointment because I woke up.

Okay, the disappointment is only the mornings I am not dreaming of my pain. Those mornings I just wake up crying in pain.

No, I'm talking about my first thoughts/feelings every morning is being disappointed that I wake up. Disappointed that I am in pain. Disappointed that I am STILL in pain. Disappointed that I have another entire day to face feeling constant pain. Some days I can push this aside as I try to get out of bed without help. Some days it lasts hours or all day.

I walk this tightrope of life over a chasm of depression and pain is just one of the things I am juggling along the way.

It's not *just* that I have pain. It's that I *STILL* have pain. That the pain that wore me down all day the day before is still there. That wore me down all week, all month, all year, the last two decades is *STILL* there.

It invades my dreams.It's in my thoughts before I am conscious. It's there before I realize who I am or where I am. It's there before I decided I must get up and go to the bathroom. It's there before I know what day of the week it is.

It is there before every movement of my day. Limiting me. Restricting me. Drawing me inward. Pulling me down.

It is my last thoughts as I drift off to sleep. Because of pain, I have to sleep a certain way.It's because of pain some nights I can't sleep. It's because of pain some nights I can't even lay down and rest.

Pain is there. Always.

This morning I woke up whining and groaning in pain. It's raining. Rain always causes pain. Plus last night my medications got hung in my throat and I threw them up. So it's like missing a does of meds and rain-pain. I hurt!
I just want to go back to bed and hide under the covers, but the pain would find me there even if I did.

I hate fibro.

I hate being tired all the time.

I hate not being able to live my life.

I feel useless.

I feel helpless.

I feel like a burden.

This is not how I pictured my life.