I wake up with two feelings every morning: Pain and disappointment.

Pain from my fibro & degenerative disc disease and so on and also disappointment because I woke up.

Okay, the disappointment is only the mornings I am not dreaming of my pain. Those mornings I just wake up crying in pain.

No, I'm talking about my first thoughts/feelings every morning is being disappointed that I wake up. Disappointed that I am in pain. Disappointed that I am STILL in pain. Disappointed that I have another entire day to face feeling constant pain. Some days I can push this aside as I try to get out of bed without help. Some days it lasts hours or all day.

I walk this tightrope of life over a chasm of depression and pain is just one of the things I am juggling along the way.

It's not *just* that I have pain. It's that I *STILL* have pain. That the pain that wore me down all day the day before is still there. That wore me down all week, all month, all year, the last two decades is *STILL* there.

It invades my dreams.It's in my thoughts before I am conscious. It's there before I realize who I am or where I am. It's there before I decided I must get up and go to the bathroom. It's there before I know what day of the week it is.

It is there before every movement of my day. Limiting me. Restricting me. Drawing me inward. Pulling me down.

It is my last thoughts as I drift off to sleep. Because of pain, I have to sleep a certain way.It's because of pain some nights I can't sleep. It's because of pain some nights I can't even lay down and rest.

Pain is there. Always.