Fear & Anxiety

Fear & Anxiety

Fear is an emotion induced by a perceived threat which causes entities to quickly pull far away from it and usually hide. (Wikipedia)

Anxiety is an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behavior, such as pacing back and forth, somatic complaints and rumination. (Wikipedia)

I have a lot of fear and anxiety. If it was up to me I would not leave my home, and groceries and such would be brought to me.

When I do leave my home for class I try to get there before I get stuck in a crowd on the Oval or in the halls. I sit up front and pretend I’m the only one in class. My teachers know my situation and are very understanding. If I needed to bring Boo I could.

Today was “Day In The Life”, meaning everyone in PhotoJ classes and in SAPS club had to take pictures on campus only this year we had to write a cut line, meaning I had to talk to the people I just took a picture of. In my experience people don’t like their picture taken so this is very hard for me. But I did it and I got a good picture. Only 1. If I had been less afraid (and had a coat lol) I could have gotten more.

If I go somewhere other than class I take Boo with me. He helps distract me from too much stimuli (Allodynia) and comforts me. He also will “pull” me out of a situation if he needs to.

I don’t know what its like to live without this strong fear. It was in the belief system I grew up in. So many “do” and “don’ts” and everything you do could cause someone else to go to Hell. Being told over and over that I may be the only Bible some people read. It was constant fear about everything.

These days I refuse to think that way. I do what I do and people watching me can read a Bible, I’m not their Bible. I live in a country where information, including Bible verses are found easily and even a computer will read them to you. You don’t need to look to me to guide you and don’t blame your choices on me.