I am a Beast!

[BLOG SIX]


I am a Beast! and that's a good thing.

When my daughter was in high school and was impressed with how strong someone was she would say "He's a Beast!" 

Despite how weak I look being in bed for days or weeks, even months  at a time, I am a Beast. I fight pain and fatigue day & night. I have to live life under immense stress and some days I succeed. Some days I just survive the day and I am still a Beast. So those day I get out of bed and do anything are remarkable. 

Right now I am walking around with a broke foot and heightened pain. But so far I have made it to class and took some pictures for an assignment. Went to the clinic (and told them it was broke, they just confirmed it with x-rays afterward). I went to the store and got groceries. I climb 3 flights of stairs and I am a Beast. 

I didn't set out to be a Beast. This pain was thrust upon me. For decades I had no idea what was going on, but here I am, still alive and kicking...well when my broke foot heals I will be kickin again. lol 

But believe me, I wish I didn't have this pain,  it's not been a positive thing in my life in any way. Not even making me a Beast is worth it. I wish I had spent my life pain-free, Fibro free, Beast free. I wish I hadn't had so much pain I couldn't think straight. Wish I could have made better decisions, personally and professionally. I wonder what my life would have been like.  

Could I have been a success in a career that let me dress nice and meet smart people? People that I was able to converse well with. Would I be active in a sport or several? Would I do a marathon for charity? 

None of that matters because I am a Beast in this life I have. I won't ever get a chance to live that life I wanted because of Fibro that I didn't even know it existed. I just have to be proud that I am a Beast in this life I have.

I am a Beast, and *that* is a good thing.